either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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