omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
