Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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