WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
