her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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