Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
