Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize