I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i think i just lost a toe
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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