Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
