found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
