Don't you send me to vm
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I checked into jail on foursquare
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
