I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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