Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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