Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
