my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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