My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
