I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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