I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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