Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
