from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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