thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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