Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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