is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
