R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize