Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
