my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We got so high we made milksteak
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
