She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
