brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
