Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
