just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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