cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
