I just made out with a guy for $7.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
