So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
