I heard we made out
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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