So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
