i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
