This is not my ceiling
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
