Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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