I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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