the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
