he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
