Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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