You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
