idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
