You smell like stripper and shame
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
