I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I met the friendliest cop last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
