I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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