btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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