I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So vagazzling was a success
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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