Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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