oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My bed smells like the plague
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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