I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
