there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
