Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
