U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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