Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
