haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
