pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
