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in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
