i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
