Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
