he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
