So drunk its hurt
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
