So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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