Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
