did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize