Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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