Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
