it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
