Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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