sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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