chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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