I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Enjoy the penises
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
