ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
