why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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