I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
