By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
