At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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