It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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