Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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