So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I didn't notice because vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
