my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
