Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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