If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
